The Calming
As a pregnant man, yes! the partner of pregnant woman is also pregnant, you have to take quite a few precautions. A pregnant woman should follow her heart and her body's wish. Everyone knows that the first three months are quite fragile. She has to maintain complete diet, take care not to get jerks, make sure to drink a lot of water and be emotionally content.And in every act the partner has to help her get through this.
As a pregnant man I have to act in what I think is best for her. But most importantly react of her actions and words and even expressions. I am not known to be a very patient man. But during this time my patience skyrocketed. As much as I was excited, I was very worried at every stage.
The attachment to the baby starts right away, and more so when at the first scan you see a tiny pea sized fetus. But when I saw the tears drop from Mukta's eyes, the tenderness I felt towards her fed my feeling of protectiveness towards her. Men by nature are of protective type and we love when women are vulnerable, so that we can be that knight in shining armor. And this is the perfect time to be that.
Well back home after the third month scan, Mukta told me that her tears were partly of happiness and partly because she could not see the baby (or the fetus) at all in the scan. And she felt she is not a good mother, who cannot even recognize her child in the scan. A word of caution to all fathers (partners) to be; this feeling stays throughout the pregnancy. Every time she is a little careless in taking care of herself, every time she forgets her multi-vitamin or folic acid, every time she feels frustrated that she cannot behave like normal and has to take extra care, every time she has morning sickness and is irritated (just a fleeting moment) with the unborn baby; she gets this feeling of extreme sadness and depression where she feels she is not a good mother.
At this time the partner has to make sure she realizes that she is awesome woman and will be a great mother. Remind her of all the times she has taken care of people. Remind her how responsible she is. Remind her of how strong yet how loving she is. And take blame on yourself as much as possible. It doesn't make you bad, it just makes her feel nice that she is not to blame.
This psychological act is very important throughout the pregnancy. However it changes at every stage.
The first few weeks its time to celebrate. We men normal hide our feelings. This is one important time to show your partners how excited you are.
The next stage is actually the sub-stage from the initial tests to the third month scan. Some women get heavy morning sickness. Some don't.
When they do, they get irritated, they want you to wake up but most of the time not see them puke. They may not feel like eating some stuff and feel like eating some other things. At that time, support her, get and eat what she wants, avoid what she doesn't feel like it and participate in her frustration while making it look like you are fine with it.
Sometimes they don't. Our movies and television crap in general show that a pregnant woman always gets morning sickness which is completely wrong. Studies show that 90% of women get nausea and 33% vomit in early pregnancy. Though no woman would like to have nausea, when it doesn't happen she will feel that something is wrong with the baby or like Mukta doubted about she being pregnant at all. At this point, I had to show her the pregnancy test at least twice. Yes we had kept both of them and hope one day to make an album of the whole experience. I suggested she take another test, and finally I made sure that she realizes that I love her for her and not because she is pregnant.
The following stage is the 3+ month stage. After the scan, tests and when the doc says that all is fine, we enter the second trimester. This is the best stage. Around 90% of woman get that pregnancy glow. Yes its true. Finally the pregnancy is not only in the mind but in the body. The scientific background is that body pumps blood more harder and the hormones are more excited, which obviously shows on the skin.
This is the time to rejoice, eat and drink whatever you want (well some conditions ofcourse apply) and most importantly share this news with your family and friends if you havent already.
Happiness grows exponentially when shared and this news is the happiest of all.
And you need to make sure that you tell her how beautiful she is even though she maybe bloated like a whale and how much you love her even though she may wake you up at 2 am in the night to tell you that she wants a glass of water.
Pamper her in words and actions. I started a few things which you guys can do.
Take over washing's and cleanings. Overlooking the maid, dusting and cooking if possible. The later I couldn't do at all. She will criticize your work, take it in your stride. Just say sorry and that you will take care next time. It makes her feel that secure and taken care of.
I started getting fresh fruits and made milk shakes and juices and made her drink those early in morning. It is not only good for the body, its shows a special love in morning. After some days she looked forward to getting up and drinking the juice and just feeling nice.
Another of my friend used to leave notes for her when he left for office. Sometimes in her dress which she wore to office, sometimes with breakfast. Small notes which made her day. I couldn't stoop to that level of cheesiness...
Well before you know it, it will be the second trimester and more of work for you guys in next chapter. Till then rejoice.
