The Paternity Chronicles

The Opening Act

‘I think I am pregnant’, Mukta said one early morning with a home test in her hand standing over me. I was sleeping, it was 6.30 am anyway and I thought I was dreaming. Could it really be possible?  

‘I think I am pregnant’, she repeated. I was wide awake in an instant. ‘You mean, you think WE are pregnant’, I said. Yes!!! I hugged her. She hugged me back with tears in her eyes. We say just like that for some time.

‘Do you still have to travel next week’, she asked. Yes, I have to travel for work Monday to Thursday, I thought but did not say anything. Now is not the time to think of work but yes I have to leave her and go immediately after knowing this news. Have to play this slow. ‘Let’s check again next weekend and take an appointment with doctor’, I said.

The weekend we spent Googling. Today’s world any question you want answered, doubts cleared, there is Google.

The following week was a torture. I was so happy, that I was almost afraid. I wanted to shout and jump with joy, call and tell the news to everyone and most importantly stay with Mukta.

Following weekend, she took the test again, this time the costly one. They are so costly; ladies, you better take them when you are sure. It was positive again. First we called our parents and conveyed to them. First grandchild is more special than first child.  They were over excited, ‘when should we come’, was the first of millions of questions. We then took an appointment with the gynecologist as soon as possible. Went to meet him and Mukta said, ‘I am pregnant’. ‘So? what should I do?’, came back the reply. Our first brush with the Dutch way of pregnancy.

We then took an appointment with a verloskundige, yeah let’s speak English here... we took an appointment with a midwife team. And the first appointment was a good one month away. Come on, in India, we would have already started with vitamins, tests and what else. We were most impatient.

Meanwhile the feeling hadn’t yet sunk in. But reading about all the “side-effects” I was wary. Every time I was waiting for morning sickness. But it was much better than expected. Mukta really did not have any special feelings and only later felt like “eating something special”.

They say a woman becomes a mother when she conceives and a man is a father when he holds his child the first time. But somehow it was different for me. I felt pregnant too. Tensed, I stopped reading online about pregnancy and paternity. It worried me more. It’s not as people say. A woman will act to what she feels when she is pregnant. A man has to react upon every emotional, physical or psychological feedback of his woman. A movement on bed in the night, clearing of phlegm in morning, even if she skids while walking in the house, I used to have a knee-jerk reaction. ‘Don’t scare me’, she would retort. Treating her normal is best for fetal development, but yet take care of her. Understanding what a woman wants when she is normal is almost impossible even if you know her for years. When she is pregnant, it’s like walking on ledge of empire state building. One false step and ‘you do not understand what I am going through’ is what you have to hear. And still you have to gulp all your pride and ego and do what she wants. Yes, it’s a Men’s job.

There are a lot of writings out there about maternity. But very few by a father. In these series I will write down my experiences. Every woman’s experience in pregnancy is different and therefore every man’s is also different. However, I hope to jot down some stuff here not only for you all to read, but also I hope my child will read someday and understand what it is to be a father.

At the time of writing this first write-up in this series, it’s still another 3 weeks for the predicted due date. The final lap. We have gone through quite a lot already, yet it feels just like yesterday that I remember most of the milestones so far. See you again in few days for the next of the series.